I call myself a lone wolf, that should give you some clue. I am awkward, social, shy, blunt, nerd, talkative- all rolled into one. This kinda made it difficult for me to make friends. Either I seemed too serious to approach, or too weird to talk with. And apparently people don’t like it when you are straightforward. Lying to their face is more socially acceptable. Um, no thanks.
I am the way I am and I don’t wish to change. Does that make me stubborn? Maybe. The fact that I am mostly comfortable with the way I am makes it hard for me to adjust to the others’ expectations of me. I don’t like stereotyping myself, or anyone else, for that matter. That makes me stick out as a sore thumb. Hence, the lone wolf status.
Call me cynical but most of the human interactions result in misery or have the potential to blow up in your face. You make friends. You expect things from them, they expect something in return from you. Someone always disappoints the other. You fight, or maybe you practise restraint and try to adjust your expectations from the relationship.
Somehow, that doesn’t happen with books. What a surprise! I was in 8th grade when I read my first novel, Little Women. The story made me feel things I’ve never felt and also made me believe that I am not alone and someone is going through similar things I am going through. I was hooked. I devoured books, day and night. I solved mysteries with Nancy Drew, ran empires with Sydney Sheldon, and fought cases with John Grisham. I traveled to the UK, USA, Australia, Greece, and the snow clad peaks of the Alps; all the while sitting in my room. Sure, they sometimes made me cry and broke my heart, but I also experienced my first crush, my first love with them. And most importantly, they didn’t judge me. I was not a nerd, or a geek, or awkward, or talkative; I just was. And throughout the years, I gained a friend. A valuable mentor. A kind counselor. An equally wacky partner. My only friend.
I love reading. That doesn’t mean that I hate interacting with people. In fact, reading has given me hope that somewhere there might be someone who is as awkward, social, shy, blunt, nerdy, and talkative as me; or someone who appreciates all these qualities in me. I am waiting patiently for that someone/s.
Till then, I am happy to have coffee dates with my favorite books!